Darlings, I love fashion,  but some trends really should retire to the big closet in the sky.  Seriously, if you are wearing these trends, I implore you to please stop.  They lack any indicia of taste and just a cursory glance reveals inherent flaws so idiotic you wonder how some made it out of the sketch book.  So in the spirit of good style and good taste, please stop the madness!  Pretty please?  With Swarovski crystals on top?  

• Harem Pants 

(photo: Thefashionpolice.net)

 Looking like you shat your pants is never fashionable.  I think most civilized folks would agree.   

• Rainbow-inspired Nail Polish 

(photo: Picspeople.blogspot.com)

Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing color, including on nails, but I cringe when I see grown women wearing yellow nail polish!  It’s worse when the colors are mixed.  If your nails look like a bag of Skittles, trust me, it’s not cute.  You don’t look edgy, you look crazy.  Stop it.  

• Crocs

(photo: Crocs.com)

I don’t even need to explain this one.  

• Ugg Sandals

(photo: Ugg.com)

Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean it’s quality or sensible.  Not that fashion always makes sense and that’s ok.  But sandals with fur?  Sandals.  With.  Fur.  Nasty!  And I’ve seen ‘em in Texas!  If it’s hot enough to wear sandals, forget the fur.  Your feet, and anyone with a nose, will thank you.  

• Impossibly Tall Heels

(photo: Trendhunter.com)

Ever wonder why we mostly see photographs of these towering shoes as opposed to video?  Because no human being can walk in them!  Stilettos look stunning when they’re static, but try actually walking in 4, 5, 6-inch heels and see how the word ”stunning” takes on a new meaning when your ass meets the asphalt.  Now darling, deep down inside you knew you couldn’t shop, dine or dance in those death traps, let alone make it across the parking lot in the first place.  Say it with me: “Kitten heels are cute.”  Now stop the madness and save yourself the trip to the emergency room.  I’m sure you can think of better ways to spend your money.     

(P.S. Don’t even get me started on the high “heels” without the heel!)  

High Hell: Nina Ricci & Kronier (photo: Thefrisky.com)